I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
