He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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