the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
