It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
