How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
