I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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