Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
