dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
