hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize