I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
