If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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