i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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