I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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