just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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