I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
