just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
