arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
