so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
