oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
