Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dignity is for republicans.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
