I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
