You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
