pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize