well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
