Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
