His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
