I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
