I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
