last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
