I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
