he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
