Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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