I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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