pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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