Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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