oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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