We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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