Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
