Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
