Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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