It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
