You made me cry and you don't even care
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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