i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
