Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You are the jesus of drinking
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize