A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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