I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
