Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize