everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
