Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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