Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
