so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
