If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
try to milk me bitch
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
