fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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