Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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