the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
