JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
