11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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