we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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