As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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