I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
