I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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