If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I need water and some morals
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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