Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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