Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
