She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
