Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
