Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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