Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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