Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
