The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
