Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize