addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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