Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
