Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
