I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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