I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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